Sending our sons and daughters off to UCLA marks an important transition in all of our lives. It is a time filled with anticipation and excitement. It may also bring up concerns and emotions that are important to address.

Most of us are members of a generation of parents who have been closely linked to the personal and academic success of our sons and daughters. Our now-adult children are grateful and appreciative of our encouragement and support. Yet our involvement in their lives will inevitably shift in some ways as they make their way through their college education. We may find there is less contact and communication as our students become more involved in academic endeavors and campus activities. While this is to be expected, we may also feel let down or wonder how they are doing and why we don’t hear from them as often as we would like. At the same time, we may recognize that this separation is a natural progression into adulthood, and that our students are probably adjusting well to campus life.

A number of years ago, the term “helicopter parents” was coined to describe an increasing number of parents who were hovering perhaps a bit too closely over their college students. This rather derogatory label indicated that parents were stepping over the line and were not allowing their students to work out and manage their own affairs.
College staff and faculty on some campuses were surprised to hear from parents who wanted exceptions made for their sons or daughters, grades changed, or special accommodations arranged. It is important to note that college is the perfect opportunity for our sons and daughters to learn to handle their own challenges, manage their finances, work out their relationships, and focus on academic demands. Our continuing emotional support is still needed and appreciated, but we parents are now presented with an opportunity to shift our role in ways that encourage increased responsibility in our students.

One important way to contribute to the success of our students is to model for them a healthy coping style. If you have an empty nest, view it as an opportunity to focus on yourself. Develop interests you have not had time to explore, nurture your relationships, form new friendships, make plans that will keep you from feeling lonely. You may be surprised to know that our students worry about you. You can reassure them by demonstrating that you are bravely facing this transition.

We can make a real difference to our students’ education by being interested, offering support and a willingness to listen to their concerns should they wish to share them with us. The greatest gift we can offer our students is to be a safe haven for them as they navigate through UCLA.  If your sons or daughters indicate that they are having a difficult time coping, express your concerns, offer to listen, and if you feel they need to have some counsel, suggest that they talk to one of the many resources available on campus. We at Student Psychological Services are here to help our students – no problem is too small or too large for us to address. If you are uncertain what to do, call our office anytime at 310-825-0768.  While a clinician can’t give you specific information about your daughter or son, he or she will be happy to listen and offer some guidance.