Shyness

Many people are familiar with the anxious feeling in your stomach when you enter a social gathering. You may feel self-conscious, unsure of what to say, and worried about looking or sounding foolish. You may even avoid some social events because of this anxiety, but later feel disconnected, lonely, and like you are missing out on your college experience.

Recent research indicates that 40-50% of the population consider themselves to be chronically shy to the point of their shyness interfering with their functioning. Another 15% of the population consider themselves to be shy in some situations. Shy people have often been described as timid, self-conscious, self-critical, and preoccupied with concerns about how others perceive them. Blushing, increased heart pounding, and "butterflies in the stomach" are physical reactions most commonly reported by shy people in social situations. The truth is that there is not one commonly accepted definition of shyness; it means different things to different people. For some, the experience of being shy is only a mild discomfort and does not interfere with their lives to any significant degree. For others, shyness can interfere with the formation of meaningful relationships, dating, or fully participating in school or work. Those people for whom shyness is a problem often report feeling lonely, depressed, and anxious.

Theories abound as to why people become shy. For example, it has been speculated that shyness is innate. It is also believed that shyness could be the result of social learning from negative experiences such as teasing or experiencing criticism in a social situation. Shyness can be seen in different cultural groups, it is prevalent in school children as well as in adults, and it appears to affect men and women equally.

Many people cope with their shyness by avoiding those situations that trigger their discomfort. Although this avoidance may relieve anxiety initially, in the long run avoidance can perpetuate anxiety and negative thoughts. In some cases, people attempt to cover up their shyness in social situations by using alcohol and drugs. Some shy people seek to understand their shyness and accept it as part of who they are. This latter group tends to look at the positive side of shyness. They appreciate their solitude and value their thoughtfulness and sensitivity.

An important prerequisite to change is the establishment of a belief that change is possible. Admittedly, adopting such a belief could be difficult, particularly when shyness has been a long-standing problem. Committing yourself to the process of change by investing the necessary time and energy is also required. Becoming less shy and more self-assured involves taking stock of your strengths and assets as well as your weaknesses. It also involves developing new social skills, knowing what attitudes and behaviors you ultimately would like to adopt, and taking risks to practice these skills in social situations. Allowing yourself time to practice new social skills and to work through the anxieties and frustrations which often accompany the change process increases the likelihood that you will better manage your anxiety to take risks to make positive changes.

The Counseling Center is a place to which you can turn for help in managing your social anxiety and coping with shyness. Professionals at CAPS provide individual and group therapy to help students better understand their fears and anxieties, enhance communication and social skills, and set goals to live your fullest life with meaningful relationships and increased participation in school activities.