Sexual Abuse of Males

By now everyone must have been made aware of the epidemic of child sexual abuse that has long existed but only recently been acknowledged in this country. Cases of abuse are frequently reported in the news, and thousands of adults molested as children (AMAC's) are coming out of the silence and into treatment. The image of the sexual abuse victim that comes to mind for most people is that of a young woman. But, in fact, males are also victims of sexual abuse.

Sexual abuse of children is most often perpetrated by male members of the victim's family, but exceptions are common: many children are abused by women and by people who are not family members. The abuser can be anywhere from a few years, to many years, older than the victim -- it's the imbalance in power that comes with age difference that is often critical and that distinguishes childhood exploration from sexual exploitation. The abuse can range from violent or manipulative oral, anal or vaginal intercourse, to inappropriate touching, to sexually threatening comments and looks. Abuse can be a one-time event or it can consist of repeated violations over many years.

Results of child sexual abuse can be devastating to the victim. Feelings of low self-esteem and depression are common. Close interpersonal relationships can be strained or made impossible by the survivor's difficulty with trust and intimacy. Overpowering shame and anger can sometimes be turned inward and result in self-destructive, even suicidal, behavior. The very things that helped the young victim survive -- minimizing what happened, blaming himself or herself, "spacing out" and forgetting -- can be, in the adult survivor, impediments to healthy functioning and growth.

As devastating as sexual abuse is, for male victims there is an additional problem: they so often don't seek help.

In addition to the denial, minimization and self blame that impedes all abuse victims, help-seeking men face some additional obstacles. When the perpetrator was male (as most are) the heterosexual male victim may experience additional shame and fear of being labeled homosexual because of our culture's anti-homosexual attitude. If the victim is now homosexual, there can be an accentuation of the commonly occurring fear that he somehow provoked or deserved the abuse. When the perpetrator was female, the victim may feel like his experience will be minimized if he seeks help: "a boy who has sex with an older woman isn't abused, he's lucky". All of these reactions are stronger when the victim recalls enjoying, or sexually responding to, aspects of the abuse.

Additional impediments to help-seeking arise from male sex role socialization. Men, who are socialized to be strong and aggressive, can unrealistically expect themselves to have been able to resist the abuse. Men, who are trained to be independent and self-reliant, can unrealistically expect themselves not to need help in getting over the effects of the abuse.

But they do. Many of the effects of abuse are sufficiently debilitating to require professional help, especially when the abuse was particularly severe, when the abuse destroyed a particularly trusting relationship, or when the AMAC now feels acutely distressed. Psychological help is also a good idea when the victim is not quite sure if, or how badly, he was abused. Repression of memories is a common response to trauma, and the later breakthrough of vague feelings and memories can be quite disturbing. Finally, the male AMAC may feel that his having been abused predisposes him to abuse others -- psychological treatment is a good way to help insure that this doesn't happen.

At The Counseling Center (CAPS), trained mental health professionals can work with male (and female) AMAC's, validating their experience, helping them sort out their feelings, helping them begin to control any self destructive behavior, and discovering ways to build on the strengths that got them through the abuse in the first place. Seeking help as a male victim of sexual abuse is not a sign of weakness. It's a first step toward healing the pain and regaining some of the trust that was taken in childhood.